Uncertainty

The future is something that I hate and can't fathom one minute of my life, and the next minute I can't wait for it to be here already. It boggles my mind to know that something I can hate with such a fiery passion can cause me to go into such moments of where I turn into such a little girl. So much of my life appears to be flashing before my eyes, as days turn into weeks, and I still feel that I haven't accomplished anything that I have set out on my goal plate. While I know that everyone needs a break to sort out their head, and to figure out which path they should take, and even more that I am still a young individual, I do crave that structure in my life that I somehow have managed to misplace for so long. People tell me to relax that everything will fall into place, but for me, someone who has the up-most patience for a lot of things, don't have the patience for that.

Uncertainty is something that causes fear to grip my body tightly and causes me to stand still for an extended amount of time. Not knowing if the outcome of a certain action will be the one I want it to be, causing me to second guess and even further on for x amount of times, most often until the opportunity has surpassed me and moved on. I'm no psychic, and I have no powers to tell me what the future holds for me, I just wish I knew that I was going to obtain what I want the most. I don't want to go throughout life looking for, and striving for something that ultimately I will never get. I will view my life a big waste of time, if that is what I'm destined for.

Ultimately, I just want the uncertainty that is ruling my life to turn into certainty or at least some form or mold of it, so that I can actually try and take those risks that I want to take so badly, but don't have the courage or the heart to do so. Uncertainty ruling a life is a life full of lackluster moments and self pity. I do not want that.