Home is where the heart is.

As such a common, simple phrase as that, it holds so much more complexity than I think anyone ever truly realizes. At least, until you are in a position such as I. Considering the fact that I think I know the only person that reads this blog, I feel safe enough to divulge enough information to try to make some sense of this myself. Arriving less than 24 hours ago into a state that I used to be in 8 months out of the year, has made my brain go haywire. All these memories, emotions, and more come in at an alarmingly rate.

We go to wake up some of the group of friends that I hung out with on a day to day basis when I was here. And one of them happen to be an ex girlfriend of mine. I was perfectly fine.. all up until she practically tackled me into a hug. Having her at such a close range made my head go dizzy and my stomach was in knots. I just didn't understand how things can change at such a rapid pace. I felt as if I was in a time warp, and everything else was spinning around me while I stood still. Glimpses of the past invaded my mind and heart as if I was being raped by visual effects of my past. It wasn't such a good feeling. Mostly, it was confusing as hell.

Back to the phrase... Yes. Home is where the heart is. But what exactly is one to do when it appears and feels that your heart is in two places at once? Which place is home? They both certainly can't be labelled with "home" for there is only one true home. So much of it makes sense, while the other half makes nothing but word vomit and garden soil. I missed seeing everyone out here so much, and people want me to stay. That is very quite apparent. I just love my mother too much to leave it. "Must leave the nest someday" was told to me by a friend recently. It is all very much true. I just don't think it's possible.

I'm at a complete loss of what on Earth to do, let alone feel or begin to sort out through all the emotions roaming through my head. I want a solid ground. I want..

CLARITY